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Why body positivity isn’t always that positive….

Hello readers,

I find it kinda scary to write this. Because such a helpful mindset is going to get some bashing. First is first. Being happy with your body is a good thing and always will be. It’s important to have positive feelings towards your body*.

What I see with a lot of people including myself

I put a little star behind the last sentence, because exactly that shows a problem in my eyes. A lot of people are not connected with their body. It’s like they have their mind and thoughts and the second part is their body. So they are not working with each other, but against each other. For example: ‘I wan’t to be a size (blank) and this stupid body is just heavy and holding me back’.  I had the same, but not size wise. I did everything to get my period back and still I did not get it back. It took 4 years!

Looking back now, I know why. I did everything physically to get it back, but not mentically. It takes these two, to get yourself healthy. And that’s why I find body positivity so good. It learns you to connect the two.

Always being happy with your body…

I think being happy with your body all the time is very unrealistic. For example. Let’s take a pregnant woman. She is happy and proud that she could carry her baby for 9 months. The moment she gave birth and all the months after that are a roller-coaster! She maybe lose hair, have frequent bleedings and maybe she is not that happy with her body doing that. And guess what that’s okey. It could also be with you fitting pants in shop and thinking ‘Aahh why are these pants not looking well on me’. You can have these moments, acknowledge them and move on. Don’t stick with them. I feel that people who want to become body positive, think there’s this rule that you should always be positive. Like ‘unwritten rules’ they make for themselves. This is not your new addiction or coping mechanism. It’s taking the time to get to know yourself, find the positives and hold on to them.

Feeling pressure from the outside world

I am going to give you an example again, but maybe it’s not really the case for you at the moment. What if you had an health influencer. She is totally body positive. Her whole page is about it. This lady is a bit on the heavier side, but for now is healthy. Then there’s a day she heard from her doctor she needs to lose some weight for her blood pressure and eat a bit more healthier. She does, but her followers do not understand. ‘why are you losing weight? I thought you were happy with your body’. It could be the other way around as well. Maybe you have a page as a fitness influencer and you are ripped, but it’s tempering your health. So you need to gain some weight and lose the abs for a while. Choosing to gain weight is the healthy choice at the moment.

They feel pressure from the outside world to look a certain way and be positive about it all the time…

Always choose you and what is best for you. That is being body positive. Having the connection with your body and understanding what it wants. That ‘pressure’ you feel is an assumption you make of people thoughts. And there will always be a group who will try to bring you down, but the group that supports you is always stronger <3

I find it so sad that if people feel that pressure, but understand that you are the most important person in your life.

Certain rules 

Then there is this group of people who make certain rules. about body positivity. You will be only body positive if you do xxx things. Maybe it’s using lotion for your body everyday or working out everyday. Or worse, only yoga is treating your body well… (yickes!).

There are no rules…Period..

If you do something and your body and mind gain strength, happiness or health from it. Go for it!

Much love,

Queeny

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How to handle fearfoods?

Hello readers,

Let’s start out with one thing. Everyone in the ED community has one or more fearfoods. I WILL NOT name a certain food here as a fearfood, because I know people will somehow connect dots and think that food would be bad and somehow will be going to avoid that. So how can you work towards eating a fearfood?

Identify the feelings

I think a lot of foods get the name ‘fearfood’, because it causes a certain reaction. So I am going to take you in this process.

Food item > emotions > reaction 

The food item could be anything. The emotion that comes afterwards could be fear, anxiety, disappointed, disgust or more. The reaction could be; purging, way to much exercise, crying, binge eating etc.

Recognize yourself? Good, then you have some insight in the situation. So try to write down your emotions when you eat a food item. Try it in the same sequence as above. I ate product x > this gave me anxiety > after that I started a compulsive workout.

It may gives some insight in your behavior. I mean your dad, sis or best friend are not having this sequence so why should you?

Turn that list around

I somehow guess you have a list in your head, or in your room, or on your phone with foods that are an absolute no no. Well guess what! We are going to make that a yes yes. If you can put all the time in making a list with foods you cannot eat, well let’s use it for more activities. Like trying the foods :p.

If you do not want to be stuck in the shitty situation you brought yourself in, challenge yourself! Be brave and fight your ED. I can tell you now, it won’t be easy everyday, but it will get better. The only way you get rid of an ED is by doing exactly the opposite from your ED thoughts!

So try at least 5 days (preferable 7 days) in a week a product that you find troublesome. So it can look like the following:

I ate product x > this gave me anxiety > after that I started a compulsive workout > I am going to eat this product on Monday at breakfast.

Keep this in mind, because we are taking it to the next subject.

Use the 0-10 scale

This scale is often use by dietitians. ‘How do you feel on a scale of 0-10? Ohhh its a 5? Why not a 6?’ We will be using this a different kind of way. So let’s take the part we made in the last sub-chapter.

I ate product xx > this gave me anxiety> after that I started a compulsive workout > I am going to eat this product on Monday at breakfast > On a scale of 0-10, I will give my anxiety a 8.

Do this a week later and review your anxiety.

I ate product x > this gave me anxiety > after that I started a compulsive workout > I am going to eat this product on Monday at breakfast > On a scale of 0-10, I will give my anxiety a 6.8.

Keep track of your progress! It’s easy to get lost in the thought there is no progression, but if you have it on paper, your mind can’t argue with that!

Eat and repeat!

I said it before and will say it again. If you can repeat your bad habits everyday, why can’t you repeat the nurturing habits of giving yourself enough food, love, sleep and less stress? I know you can and so do you. You are going to beat your ED by eating a bite more, having dessert after dinner, eating that fearfood and enjoying what you eat.

Best of luck,

Queeny